Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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