i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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