Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
