if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
