Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
