It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
