I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
