Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
