It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
the liver wants what the liver wants
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
