it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
