I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
