I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize