The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
