don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize