And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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