I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
