since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
