Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
