i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
