she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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