I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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