Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
