I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
