Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
