i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
