He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
