Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
