remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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