your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
