You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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