all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
