I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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