Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
