my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize