I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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