she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
