it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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