Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
