the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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