Moan for me like Helen Keller
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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