I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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