rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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