my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
