Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize