I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
