oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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