Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
