I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize