We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
