i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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