I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
