Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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