I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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