Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
