no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
