The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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