didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
