I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
