Nicole vs. Life
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
