Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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