i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
