There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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