1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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