Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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