I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
