I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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