This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
