they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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