Pregnant stripper...not hot.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Randomize
