i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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