No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
