If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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