I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
